by Laura Jost
I feel like I am constantly pumping my children full of the ideals I’d like them to share with me: your body is beautiful and perfect just the way it is; knowledge is power; every soul on this earth deserves compassion; don’t litter, recycle, and take care of this earth; if you are respectful you will garner respect; have faith; etc. I do my best to model confidence and empathy, humbleness and forgiveness, passion and perseverance. But when they can’t manage to put on socks after I’ve asked them four times, I often wonder if they can really hear me at all, especially on the important topics. What is actually happening in those heads when I speak; am I teaching them anything or am I merely white noise?
The other day, I decided to make a space to find out. It was after school and the car was calm and quiet. I asked them what they were thankful for in this life. They said they were thankful for their family and friends (and listed them individually), the dog, my husband’s job, my thrifting skills (to be fair, I do find them amazing things), the pending arrival of their unborn cousin, the city we live in, each other, and that God chose to make them ours. I’m sure my mouth was agape; here I was thinking that this would be a teaching moment. And it was…it just wasn’t me doing the teaching.
After discussing all of these wonderful points, I really wanted something visual to remind us of our thanks. I collected a few dry branches from the tulip tree outside and cut out some paper leaves. We sat around the table and we wrote down the individual words that represented all of the things that we were thankful for; one for each leaf. We hung the leaves on the branches and soon we had a tree of gratitude. We put it in the dining room where it will stay. As time passes, we can add new leaves to the tree. And as a real tree grows, so can our tree. And it can remind us how we’ve grown: from the developing handwriting and the adorable misspellings to revisiting the leaves of the cutest things kids might give thanks for.
Our children may be young, but they are present. They are wiser than they get credit for most of the time (my son is picking his nose right now; I get that it’s often difficult to read their depth). They are more than beasts of bickering or makers of trails of dirty socks and wet things. From the moment we know they are headed our way, they are the source of some of our most intense gratitude in this life. And as they grow, they can be wonderful reminders of all of the things that we SHOULD be grateful for and often forget in the hustle and bustle of being an adult. Like heat, flowers, neighbors, allergen-friendly cheese, and sharks.
Laura Jost is mom to two stand-up comedians in training. They know when to laugh and they know when to give a hug. When in doubt, always give a hug.
