It Takes A Village: How and when therapy can help your child
Childhood is such an intense time of growth and change for little ones. From birth to age five, kids’ developmental milestones are huge and incredible; they work to master talking, walking and social skills, all the while learning to use words to express their needs – wow! Sometimes, amidst all these big changes, stress arises in the form of change, e.g. divorce, loss of a loved one or a new sibling, and children may internalize or externalize their stress while attempting to cope.
How do you know when to be stressed about your kid’s stress? Be a parent detective and look for frequency, duration and severity of behaviors and problems, often falling into the following categories:
Aggression: Threats, breaking things, throwing things or hurting others
Anxiety: Separation anxiety more days than not; withdrawn, crying, angry or worried often
Mood disturbance: Ongoing, significant tantrums lasting for hours and causing major disruption
Social environment and functioning: Not being invited to playdates, off task at school, getting into trouble or being asked to leave school
If one or more of these things is happening consistently, it’s a good idea to consult a therapist. Please remember that a struggling child is no reflection on your parental skills. We learn as we grow together!
Tips for preparing your child for therapy:
1. Be calm.
Wait for a moment when everyone is calm and receptive to a potential transition. As
a parent, you set the tone. Often, parents’ anxiety can make talking about therapy much more complicated than it needs to be; if you’re positive and confident about it, your child will most likely follow your lead. Children are typically able to transition well into meeting a therapist – someone who focuses all their attention on them! – and tend to enjoy spending time in the therapy room, which is designed especially to meet their needs. So… breathe!
2. Validate your child.
Reflect to your child that you know that they have been unhappy and that you want very much to help. Emphasize that sometimes parents need help too, and that asking for help is important and a brave thing to do. You might say things like: “I/We want to help you with the ‘worry problem’ so that you’ll feel better!”
3. Help them see a therapist as a helper.
Once you’ve identified the problem and offered compassion, tell your child you’ve been to see a therapist and frame it as a
positive, helpful experience. You could try: “Sometimes when kids feel sad or confused, meeting with a therapist who works with kids can help” or “We met with a therapist named Erin last week, and we think you’ll really like her. She’s nice and friendly, and she has so many toys and art supplies in her room just for you to enjoy!”
4. Trust the process!
Therapy with a child is not a “quick fix,” and the therapy relationship is a collaboration between therapist, parents and child that is built on mutual respect and trust. As a child’s issues are highlighted and when the child is ready, things can slowly change. Commitment to the process is the key; a child does not change just because we need them to! Their pace must be respected, and the family often needs to change together. With some patience, faith and compassion, your little one and your family can find healing and happiness!
