I remember the wait. That assignment to “limbo” was like someone up there took a remote control, pointed it at me and hit pause. People said, “let go” while other people and situations outside my influence determined whether I would become a parent.
I read adoption books. I searched the internet. I tried to soak up any understanding I could, to will myself closer to motherhood. Along the way, I accompanied a friend, an adoptive mom, to a potluck picnic with a group called NAFA (Northwest Adoptive Families Association). Parents sat chatting away at a long table while kids frolicked on a play structure. This support group of people with adoption in common, offered empathy and perspective like no one else had. They had walked a similar road. Along with information, they gave me validation that someday, in the near future, I would be a parent by adoption. I made connections and sought guidance, and after the time the universe needed to align miracle with chance, I became a mom to a son and later a daughter. The more I connected with this group, attending events or volunteering, the more I benefited. Aside from support and education, there were friendships. Through all the ups and downs of my family’s adoption journey, NAFA friends had my back, and my kids had friends who understood losses and challenges and celebrated triumphs and growth.
People say parenthood makes you a better person. Adoption opens you to change and reveals a bigger picture. NAFA has provided a parenting template along with graciousness and a valuable network. Member families have adopted every which way. We are single parents, LGBT parents, birthparents, adoption professionals and adult adoptees who give back to the adoption community by volunteering and reaching out to new families. When we get together for the annual campout we are a world village.
Recently a teen adopted from China told me what she thought about NAFA. “It’s the red thread that holds us together and doesn’t break.” Wow. Maybe not every NAFA kid has such a beautiful insight, they just know that NAFA gives them lots of ways to feel accepted, valued and most of all, to have fun.
It’s been over 20 years since I became a mom. My wonderful children delight and confound me. I believe they make me a better person. And NAFA has thrown me a life preserver or two along the way.
By Joni Radcliffe, an adoptive mom and editor of NAFA News. jonikradcliffe@gmail.com.
