“Wow, you’ve had those underwear forever!” my husband said gleefully as I passed by him in the walk-through closet…and I kind of freaked.
“Can you think of anything less complimentary than telling your wife she is wearing significant-enough-to-remark-on, ancient underwear?!” I immediately snapped.
He muttered an “I didn’t mean it like that.” And he was being truthful; he didn’t mean it like that. But, he’d already gotten me thinking. Uh-oh.
Our children are young and busy (and bickering) and require our almost every minute of attention. And that’s just when they’re conscious. At night, we have one sleep-talker and a hybrid sleep-walker/urinator, so the busy never ends. It’s been all too easy to pay less attention to ourselves, including the most basic of needs. It’s also more difficult to filter and process information (like compliments?) when your brain feels like scrambled eggs dipped in caffeine.
As a result of our phase of life, my husband had let some workouts go and I had let…well, apparently…my underwear go, among other things. So how does a previously-fabulous mom with a life to-do list that could fill a back-so-school, wide-ruled notebook get back from there?
Some moms say ‘time.’ When the kids are older, your time frees up and you can concentrate on yourself/your spouse again. Some moms say ‘never.’ Shoot me in decrepit undies right now! And the moms that I want to hug tightly say that you have to work at making your own needs important too, and not in a while; you have to do it today. Not that we can all afford or get the time away for the spa weekends, vacations, and shopping sprees that we clearly deserve, but there are little things. I’ve been hard at work and here’s what’s been doing it for me:
- Find simple ways to splurge. A bottle of nail polish, a favorite snack, the “good” coffee that you can’t buy with a coupon.
- Say “no.” Over-commitment is the fast lane to stress.
- Go on dates. It doesn’t have to be fancy and it doesn’t have to be weekly, it just has to be time away from the mire to look into your significant’s eyes and have a conversation (aka investment). Dates with friends are also a priority, but second to this.
- Make time for a regular workout with a friend whose booty in spandex doesn’t make you want to lie down and eat a box of chocolate. And don’t let each other off of the hook! This is good for the body, soul, and dedicates time to that friendship.
- Laugh as much as possible.
- Talk out loud constantly about what is important. Health, family, community, friends, faith (whatever your list is). Perspective is a friend and a daily respite from the bills and whatever appliance or car just broke (because something just broke, didn’t it?)
- Indulge your passions. Don’t let them get away. Even if the kids yell at you to stop singing.
- Take care. Eat good food. Keep regular appointments for physicals, eye checks, and teeth-cleaning. Do your monthly breast checks. Be around for a long time with most of your original parts.
- Stop spoiling the kids because it’s easier than thinking about fulfilling your needs and wants. Note: items needed for kid-bribery are not included here.
- Kick expectations of perfection to the curb. We all know that isn’t reality. We should stop torturing ourselves. It’s giving us wrinkles.
- Buy new underwear. You know what I mean.
We can totally do this! My new matching totally-mentionables say so. What needs to be on your list?
